Independence Day: Take-No-Crap Day for Women Everywhere

Bangbangbang! That's the sound of your give-a-hooter exploding. This Independence Day, Thelma and Louise promote ending abusive relationships.

There's nothing you can do/Nothing you can say
I've crossed that bridge/Now I can't take another day/I gave you all I have/Gave myself away/And now I can't get it back no matter how long I might stay...

from "Love Never Dies, It Just Gives Up" by Trish Murphy

I shoulda run away I said/But I just didn't care
You get so used to feeling fear/That you don't know it's there...
from "Thelma and Louise" by Trish Murphy

WOMEN CAN STOP THE FIREWORKS ON INDEPENDENCE DAY:
Psychotherapist Offers Tips for Women in Abusive Relationships

This article published on http://www.foxbusiness.com/, http://www.forbes.com/ and other high profile fancy-do blogs - including a blog near you- on July 1, 2008.

DALLAS, Texas, July 1, 2008 –

This Fourth of July can be a show-stopping fireworks display, or for some women, a show of independence from crippling hurtful spousal abuse. Dallas psychotherapist and founder of Lifeworks Counseling Associates, Melanie Wells, believes in the importance of educating women about the signs and dangers of abusive relationships.

“Not all abuse is physical,” said Wells. “Abuse is often hard to spot and includes a wide spectrum of behaviors.”

Wells offers four warning signs to women who believe they could be involved in an abusive relationship. “Confusion is often the first sign,” says Wells. “If you’re frequently confused by your partner’s behavior and find yourself saying, ‘It’s like he’s two different people,’ then pay attention to how you feel when you’re with this man.”

According to Wells, abusive relationships are characterized by feelings of fear, guilt and shame. “Abused women are always trying to ‘fix’ themselves rather than paying attention to how they’re being treated. Eventually, they become overwhelmed with self-doubt.”

Another sign is that unhealthy behaviors often go unnoticed because they have become normal to those involved. “Tension is such a constant in abusive marriages that women in these situations often don’t notice the fear they feel. Emotions in these households are contagious. If Dad is mad, everyone else in the family feels tense and afraid.”

Wells also points to “loss of self" as a marker of abusive relationships: “When women spend more time trying to figure out how he feels, what he’s done and why – rather than asking themselves, ‘How is this affecting me and what am I going to do about it on my own behalf?,” they’ve lost who they are.”

Finally, Wells contends that the most difficult sign to spot is when women blur the lines between acceptable vs. abusive behavior. When this happens they have become abuse-able and are actually participating in the abuse by tolerating it or lying to themselves about it.

“If your daughter were in a relationship that looked like yours, what would you tell her?” says Wells. “If you’d tell her to ‘get out now,’ then that should be your response, too. While July 4th is a reminder, don’t wait until a benchmark holiday to address abuse in your relationship. Declare your independence now.”

For information regarding abuse and other relational difficulties, visit Lifeworks’ Web site at http://www.wefixbrains.com/. Along with being a licensed therapist, Wells also is author of a series of fictional psychological thrillers, “When the Day of Evil Comes,” “The Soul Hunter,” and “My Soul to Keep.” All books incorporate her experience as a psychotherapist and are available at bookstores and online retailers. Visit http://www.melaniewells.com/ for information.

For more information about Melanie Wells, please visit www.MelanieWellsNews.com. To arrange an interview with Wells please contact Vicki Morgan at 972.267.1111 or via e-mail at Vicki@alarryross.com.

Note to selves: We recommend (nay, demand) that all women read Gavin De Becker's book, The Gift of Fear, right now, this minute. Before you go on one more date or spend one more evening with that man of yours.

Question of the day: Why is it that so many of us spend more time picking out a melon than we do picking out a life partner? Just wondering...

An introduction to the perils of the creative life

Louise here.

Let me just say, if we'd known what we were getting ourselves into, we would have kept our day jobs. Probably. Maybe. Okay, maybe not. But it would have been a BAD decision, because the creative life is worth the tar-pit, asphalt and diesel-scented, ADHD, Pig-pen meets the Tazmanian Devil lifestyle it necessitates. We think.

I wrote the first word of my first novel during another lifetime. I'd just turned 30 and my brain exploded. Plus, I was living in Steamboat Springs, Colorado and it snowed 15 FEET *not a typo* in one month. The first sentence I wrote: "Abbie Sullivan's scream cut that thick Texas air like a sharp knife splitting a melon." Not bad. Pretty good, actually. Still re-writing that story. My agent will take it out into the world someday soon.

That sentence ruined my life. There was no chance in h - e - double-toothpicks I'd ever be able to go back to civilian life again.

Then I re-met Trish (details of first meeting in a future post) and it was downhill from there. We bonded because we were WRITERS. Under-parented writers who shared multiple obsessions: office supplies, good cup-towels, underwear with the elastic still holding, socks with no holes. And food. Fried chicken, fried okra salad, meatloaf, tuna casserole (recipes on request). And words. Just the right word for the job.

And a sisterhood was born.

This blog is an effort to expand the family. We know you're out there! Let's bitch and dish about the creative life.