The Five People You Meet in Hell - Part II

A Dueling Pens Posting by Thelma and Louise

Benchwarmer #2: The Poacher

This is the cheating, lying bum who ignores all the "Posted" signs on your barbed wire fence and hunts on your land. The poacher is a lazy thief. This guy is personable, easy to get along with, charming. He can take the room. He's a little cocky, but not too obnoxious or no one would trust him at all. (Keep your eyes peeled for this one - he's hard to spot.) And his ethics are abominable. He's happy to take anything you have. Your friends. Your staff. Your credibility. Your money. Whatever he can lift off you that will make his life easier. I actually had someone try to poach my business phone number one time. I've always thought there's a special place in hell for such people. And now I know what bench he'll be sitting on and who he'll be sharing his days with.

The important thing to know about the Poacher is that he is reptilian. He has no conscience. For him it's "just business." The part of his brain which controls conscience and ethics never developed at all. He's running on basic brain stem activity, like a 14 year old on drugs. (Here's your 14 year old. Here's your 14-year old on drugs. You've been there. You've heard the popping grease and smelled the frying egg. Eew.) The Poacher really should have been a character on the Godfather. Like that scene at the very end where Tessio asks Tom Hagen for a break, "for old time's sake." Tom (Robert Duvall) takes a step backward and holds up his hands like Pontius Pilate. "Sorry," he says. "It's not personal. It's just business."

The Poacher should hang with the Corleones. Or the Sopranos. They are his tribe. He'd cut your throat in a minute if he thought it would do him a bit of good.

Coming Soon: Part III: The User